I am not my own, for I have been made new...

Please don't let me go, I desperately need You.

Sometimes I wish I were deep and had really impressive thoughts and ideas to share. Sometimes I wish I were better at sharing my thoughts. Sometimes I just wish I could let people read my mind and just see what's in my head, so I didn't have to figure out how to verbalize it. Sometimes I wish I could just talk for 30 minutes about any topic with no preperation. Sometimes I wish I were a really great story teller. Sometimes I wish I were just... different.

But I wasn't made that way, was I? And there's a reason for all of it. The way I am, the way I share my thoughts, the lame stories I tell all the time (sorry about that, by the way, to all of you that have to listen...) :) I'm learning constantly that God's got a plan for me, and there's a reason why He made me the way He did. I KNOW I'm a Huntington student because of Him, and I KNOW I'm a Family and Children's Ministry AND Youth Ministry double major because He worked it out to be so, and I KNOW I'm here in Cedar Rapids, Iowa because He made it happen. There were too many obstacles for all of it to not be Him.

The hardest part right now is waiting. What's my next step? How can I make it happen? <--but that's the problem. I can't make it happen, for that's when it all falls apart. The hardest part is NOT, contrary to popular belief, (including mine all too frequently,) waiting for the next step. The hardest part is knowing and not taking it into your own hands. It's following exactly as He intends. It's moving in God's time, not our own.

It's funny, and really quite sad how much I think of the future. Not, as in, the consequences of my actions today, but circumstances and situations I could never control no matter how much I think about them today. I think about tomorrow, next week, next semester, next year, as well as all of the situations that could, but probably won't happen. I worry. I fear. I get anxious. Who doesn't? You know what that tells me? It's not clarity I need; it's trust. Even when times are rough, God is good. God has led me gently to where I am, He's not about to walk away now. When I worry about tomorrow, when I worry about next year, I fail to trust that He's got it under control. I fail to trust in His goodness. And my relationship with Him becomes something less than what it should be, something much less than He intended.

God is good. Trust Him.